My Cat Threw Up A Giant Statue Of Jesus In Poland.

why stop at magical sprinkles?  i guess this magnificent puke is due to the combination of the whole "microwave thing" and the fact that i was hurting for rohypnol money this week, so i just stole a bunch of stale little crackers from a church to feed my hungry fuckin mooch cat.  and before anyone gives me shit for this being "unethical" or "infuriatingly inappropriate," you should see how much cat food costs these days.  talk about infuriating.

eat your heart out, rio de janeiro.  then come eat these little crackers, because my picky ass cat (a creature which eats its own placenta, mind you) refuses to eat anymore of them.



My Cat Threw Up Magic Sprinkles.



no shit.  i got a regular david blane on my hands.  i guess those two minutes in the microwave right after his whore of a mother pooped him out did have a lasting effect.  a magical lasting effect.  next let's see if he can throw up some kitty litter and hemorrhoid cream and finally make himself useful.

you know how i know my cat's magical?  cause he's like a new age toxic avenger.  the ungrateful twat will thank me one day when they make action figures of him.





My Cat Threw Up What I Imagine The Inside of Stress Balls Looks Like

this straight up looks like what i always imagined was on the inside of a stress ball.  unfortunately, i've never squeezed a stress ball hard enough to see whether or not this is accurate.  luckily, i did squeeze my cat hard enough to obtain this mystery substance.  now i'll package it in balloons, write clever sayings on them, and sell them to people having bad days.

then their days will get worse when the balloon breaks and they're covered in cat puke.  that'll teach them not to bitch about their days.  kind of how i tought my asshole cat not to sit on my pillow, except i did that via squeezing.

My Cat Threw Up A Strange Liquid.

got ya, fucker.  i bet that was fun to throw up.  messing with your god leads to no food for you.  no food for you leads to me waking up to you dry-heaving in the bathroom.  i didn't know my cat was a skeezy sorority girl.

luckily, due to the liquid nature of this spew, i was able to "go green" and save some paper towels by just flipping the cat over and using it (or "him/her" for all you vegeterians) to swiffer the shit up.



My Cat Threw Up Danish Butter Cookies.



 it's not like i needed that notebook this morning, and those weren't my favorite cookies or anything. dick.

it may just look like they're just crushed up cookies, but that's probably because i forgot to give the doucher water today.  if this is his cute way of having revenge: two can play that game.   let's wait and see who gets fed tomorrow, asshole.